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FIC: Enlightenment (SotL/M'ways)
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lunamystic Christmas 2004
TITLE: Enlightenment
FANDOM: Song of the Lioness/Milliways
PAIRING: Delia/Alanna
RATING: PG-13
WORDS: 3,543
BETA’D BY:
WRITTEN TO: Lost in Space, The Moth & High on Sunday 51 - Aimee Mann
DISCLAIMER: Alanna and Delia are the creations of Tamora Pierce, I’m just playing. This version of Alanna belongs to lunamystic, and I’m just paying tribute.
NOTES: This fic is based off this Milliways thread. Thus, all of Alanna’s speech and actions up until where she says ‘wait’ are not mine.
SUMMARY: In the orginal thread, Delia offered sex before having to go upstairs. But what if she didn’t? What if Alanna took her up on her offer?
EXTRACT: “No, it would not be a fate worse than death.” Both of Delia’s eyebrows raised this time, and Alanna smiled vindictively. “In fact, it would be rather enlightening, I'm sure...”
Enlightenment
Enlight: 1. give information to 2. instruct, inform. 3. shed light on
-enlightenment (noun)
“I see you're back, Alanna...and wearing a very nice dress too.” Slowly turning her head towards the light, spiteful voice, Alanna smiled thinly.
“Good evening, Delia. I see you've re-emerged as perceptive as ever.” Her tone was pleasant, with not even a mocking undercurrent. Alanna was mildly pleased with herself for that.
“How are you?” Cold, hopefully, she added in her mind as she looked at Delia’s attire. Daring, as normal, and the fact that they seemed to have swapped places as far clothing was concerned was not lost on Alanna. She herself was wearing the violet dress that Meg had bought her; Delia was wearing a pair of tight blue pants and a black…a black…covering was probably the best term, on top. Whatever it was, it clung to her and left her arms and shoulders bare (knowing that it was actually called a halter-top is irrelevant to the proceedings).
Delia, unknowing of Alanna’s mental thought, or perhaps not, merely waved the question away.
“Hopefully back to some semblance of normal; thinking about eternity has a tendency to send me into hysterics. And yourself, my dear knight?”
“I'm doing very well, thank you.” Alanna tilted her head and wondered how long they could maintain a semblance of civility. “Oh? And what happened to make a lass like you worry her pretty little head about eternity?”
Not very long, apparently.
Delia, however, just grinned with delight dancing in her bright-green eyes.
“Oh, you know...seeing the lovely Alexander of Tirragen here again.” Here she mock-sighed, eyes mischievous. “You know, realising that your lover is going to go right back to sleeping with two men as well as yourself is just, oh I don't know, so depressing.”
Alanna's mouth gaped open. “Really, how do you four keep things straight? Do you schedule your assignations? Is there some sort of master calendar that I'm not aware of?” she said without thinking, and then looked distinctly grumpy as she realised what she had said.
“And why, pray tell, would you be aware of any schedule about our sleeping arrangements?” Delia asked sweetly.
Oh, the sweetness. It was so deceptive. Alanna really didn't like being made to look stupid, but she had to hand it to Delia - the girl had an uncanny knack for knocking her off balance. Alanna pondered quickly how to one-up her, and an amusing thought occurred. And why not? She was feeling rather daring this evening, after all.
“I fear you do not give me enough credit, lass.” With that, she leaned over and gave Delia a loud kiss on the cheek, followed by a wink.
In what was perhaps the most surprising moment in the whole conversation, Delia blushed. Only faintly, but her cheeks were noticeably pink.
“Oh, really, Alanna?” she asked brightly, looking as if she were about to clap her hands for joy. The blush was gone in Delia’s recovery, but not forgotten. “ I'm so glad about that, I really do hate when people are as close-minded as I think. Would you like to join in? After all, we managed to have Josiane quite comfortably; we would be able to fit you in no problem at all!”
Alanna, however, was still staring. Did Delia just blush? Smiling evilly, she leaned closer.
“You don't think Thom might have a problem with that?”
What happened next really did prove that she never learnt from experience. Delia leaned in, and Alanna was genuinely surprised when the girl kissed her softly.
“Knowing your brother, my dear knight...most likely not.” She said with a quick, impish smile. Alanna’s eyes narrowed, and she resisted the urge to wipe her mouth.
“That really is getting old, Delia. As fun as this charade has been, I'm sure you know my true feelings on the subject. My brother is... confused, and quite probably insane. It is his birthright, after all. I've agreed to stay out of his business unless he begins to show signs of harming himself or others. I shall also endeavour to stay out of yours.” Yes, that seemed the safest option. Thom’s business hurt her, but Delia’s made her feel so terribly confused. She pitied the girl, and she was still honour-bound to take her back to Corus for her execution.
“Old?” Delia raised an eyebrow. She smiled, and there was a cruel edge to the sweetness. “It was you who brought up your brother, Alanna, not I. And yes, my business is my business and yours is yours...but would it truly be a fate worse then death to sleep with me?”
Alanna sighed and leaned back in her chair, stretching her feet out in front of her. She took great pains to make this look careless, but wasn’t sure why.
“I confess, Delia, you confuse me.” Delia just kept on looking at her, expression bright and expectant. Rather like her expression as Raoul and Gary fought over her riding glove, actually. There was the definite sense that she was about to burst out laughing. It was that expression which made Alanna actually consider the offer.
“No, it would not be a fate worse than death.” Both of Delia’s eyebrows raised this time, and Alanna smiled vindictively. “In fact, it would be rather enlightening, I'm sure. After all, my dear girl, haven't we both been screwed by Roger?”
Delia, frowning slightly in thought, leaned back with her elbows resting on the bar and head tilted. She looked young and careless like that, with none of the silks or glittering smiles that made her the lady Alanna despised. This girl in front of her, with her otherworldly clothes and lack of a mask, was another entity all together.
“I guess we have, Alanna.” Delia’s light voice was thoughtful, almost calculating. “Would you like to?
Alanna’s eyebrow quirked up. “ I'm not sure why you're so keen on this idea.” She said dryly to hide the sudden confusion at Delia’s question. Offer. Whatever it was. Delia herself just smiled, and shrugged her thin shoulders.
“Something to do, I guess.” She admitted ruefully. “You already think me the whore, and at least sex with you would be refreshingly honest.” Her lashes veiled her eyes, and her smile turned impish. “After all, it's not a fate worse than death to sleep with an attractive woman, is it?”
Alanna just sighed. “Actually, shocking as it may seem, I do not think you're a whore.” As Delia looked politely sceptical, she was forced to continue. “I think you were a confused, lonely girl who basked in Roger's attention and considerable charm. It's not your fault he is who he is. I do not approve of your decisions, or the way you lead your life, but perhaps I haven't been completely fair with you in the past.”
Delia’s smile faded, and the lovely girl actually seemed off-balance. She looked away, her jaw working as if she had something bitter in her mouth. Perhaps it was her expression, or perhaps Alanna wanted things to go back to the bright banter before she hit too many nerves. Whatever it was that prompted her, she continued with,
“Of course, perhaps it was just spurred on by the many times you called me a whore.”
Delia’s lips twisted into something that wasn’t not quite a smile.
“And now,” she said softly, “I must decide which explanation I like more.” She bit her bottom lip, and her bright-green eyes flicked back to Alanna. The bitter half-smile was gone, and she looked oddly quiet.
“Of course, to be truthful, I called you a slut, not a whore. There's a difference.” Her voice was like her expression –quiet, uncertain. Alanna shook her head and when she spoke, her voice was just as quiet.
“Not to me,” she looked up and watched Delia with a quizzical expression on her face. “Why did you hate me so much? Truthfully.”
“Truthfully?” Delia asked, and then she began to laugh. Rich, genuine laughter that made Alanna nearly flinch from the pain it held. Nearly. “Oh, Alanna, why do you think?” Delia controlled her laughter with an effort; from where she sat, Alanna could see her long red nails digging into her pale palms. If Delia wasn’t careful, those nails were going to cut her hands.
“I disliked you while you were Jonathan's squire; I was telling the truth when I quite honestly thought you were a boy who preferred other boys.” Delia took a deep breath, and then just shook her head.
“I hated you the moment you that you exposed Roger for what he was. I hated you so much, because you killed him. I had risked everything of value to a lady for him, my reputation, my honour …had it all ruined, because he promised me the world.” She looked up, the expression in her lovely green eyes dark and angry. “To have you just come along, and drive that sword through his chest and destroy everything through some sense of right…” the twist of her lips was bitter, and could no longer be truthfully called a smile.
“Well, of course I hated you.” Delia said simply. “I had pushed Cythera away, and you had killed the only person I had left. The only person I still loved.”
Cythera? That thought was put aside for another day as Alanna was forced to understand Delia’s mind. Indeed, her statement shed a good deal of light on her behaviour. Taken together with Alanna’s own statement, and what was found was a lonely girl willing to go to extraordinary, possibly obsessive, lengths for the one man who had consistently given her affection.
“I don't like it, but I can see your thought process.” Then her eyes narrowed, and Alanna felt some stirrings of anger through the pity and understanding. Too much understanding too quickly, too much of a change of heart…She had the feeling she was being manipulated at some level she couldn’t fathom, and resented it. “Consider this, though... Roger robbed me of my only family. You were not alone in that pain, Delia.”
“No, no I was not. And now, you have Thom back, and I have Roger.” Delia smiled, a little smile that made her look very, very tired. Far too tired to be manipulating anyone, a small part of Alanna said. “And yet, somehow, I think you are happier in that than I.” She shook her head, and started to push herself off the bar. “Good night, Alanna.”
Quietly, Alanna said, “Wait.” Delia paused, raising her delicate brow slightly.
“I…never actually said ‘no’.” Alanna flushed under her bright gaze, but forced herself to meet her eyes.
“No…”Delia murmured, resting back on her elbows. The dark anger in her eyes was softening into puzzlement. And maybe something else. “No, you did not. However, neither did you say ‘yes’.” Her light voice made the statement a question.
“No, I didn’t.” Delia tilted her head slightly at Alanna’s words, crossing her legs. Alanna stared. Delia was wearing sandals; at least that’s what Alanna assumed the footwear was. Black sandals, with a thick heel and thin leather straps that crisscrossed her dainty, pale feet…
Her toenails were painted red.
“Are you going to?” Delia was asking, and Alanna tried to bring her mind back to the task at hand. Considering the actual task itself, it wasn’t much of a help.
“I…”Alanna shook her head irritably. “I can’t do this sober.” As the lovely looking girl in front of her blinked, Alanna swung her legs off the table and grabbed a bottle of wine from a passing waiter-rat. Delia watched, silently, as she took a long, clumsy drink. The liquid burned her throat and made her gasp. Well, that should teach me to steal, Alanna thought wryly through her coughing.
“Yes or no, my dear knight?”
“Yes.”
Delia regarded her for a long moment and got off her stool, walking around to Alanna’s table and sitting next to her with more grace then she had ever seen from the girl. Or perhaps, perhaps she was just more aware of it now, more aware of the way that Delia’s hair and hips swung when she walked, more aware of the tired smudges under the brightness in her eyes.
More aware of Delia.
The green-eyed girl turned to face Alanna, resting her arm on the back of the chair and making her feel nervous. She could smell Delia’s perfume now –soft and subtle- and it was making her blush and her nerves hum as if in battle.
In a very real sense of the word, she was.
“You would like to sleep with me?” Delia repeated, her eyes intent.
“Yes.”
“Kiss me then.”
Alanna blinked, “Wh-what?”
Delia sighed faintly, as if she was finding this so very tiresome. “Alanna,” she said at last, throaty voice firm, “Every time I kiss you, you look as if you want to scrub your mouth out with soap and water. If you can’t kiss me, you can’t sleep with me.”
Alanna’s eyes widened at the mild rebuke - she hadn’t thought she had been that obvious - but she was forced to conclude that Delia was right. “Do you want me to kiss you?”
This time Delia really did sigh, but she held her tongue and nodded. Alanna leaned closer and pressed her lips against hers. And that’s all it was, not a kiss so much as an awkward mashing of lips. Delia put up with it for perhaps half a moment before twisting her head away.
“Well, that I think proves that I make mistakes. Good night, Alanna.” She got to her feet, but before she could walk anywhere Alanna grabbed her arm.
“Wait.”
Delia turned and looked down, her delicate brow arched scornfully. Alanna flushed, but kept her hand and eyes in place. Delia’s skin was warm beneath her hand, warm and soft and silky smooth, and some of that appreciation must have reached her eyes for the delicate-looking lady nodded faintly and sat back down. Her expression was still guarded and poised, and that made Alanna hesitate.
She didn’t want to kiss the graceful, elegant creature in front of her, with her airs and graces and disdainful expression. That creature was the manipulative bitch who had seduced Alanna’s friends, slept with Jonathan, and bullied Thom to his death. No, she wanted to kiss the confused girl who Roger found and used, the fragile girl who had cried after being mind-raped, the lonely girl with the tired smile and the need to be loved, the girl Alanna had only found in Milliways.
The real Delia, not her oh-so-lovely mask.
Alanna leaned forward, and kissed her. Gently, hesitantly, until she felt Delia begin to respond and move closer. Her lips were warm and soft, and Alanna fancied that she would have been able to still taste the wine on her mouth. When they stopped to catch their breath, Alanna flicked her violet eyes up to look at Delia’s. Her lips were tingling, and at the soft, dreamy look in Delia’s brilliant green eyes, they felt as if they were burning.
“Delia…”
“Hush,” the girl said huskily, and put her slender arm around Alanna’s shoulders before leaning closer and kissing her. This time, Alanna kissed her back. Deeply, with her fingers running down Delia’s cheek and neck to brush her breast through the thin black material. She would have flushed at her daring, but she was too far gone in the kiss to care. Delia’s free hand came up to cover Alanna’s, and she gently guided it down her body, past her slender waist to the flare of her hips between the gap in her clothing.
Alanna could feel Delia’s hipbone under the soft skin, and immediately thought that the girl should eat more. Her second thought that a bar was really not the kind of place to be contemplating how exactly to -
She broke off, turning her head away as she tried to remember how to breathe.
“Lass, I really don’t think –“ Alanna turned to face Delia again, and her words faltered somewhere in her throat. “I really don’t think this is the right place for such carrying on,” she said at last, and was rewarded with a smile.
“Then let me take you to a place where it is.” Delia said, her light throaty voice finding chords in Alanna that she hadn’t thought she would have been able to find with a dagger. The red-haired knight stared, then nodded, moistening her lips as she stood and flushing at the picture she had just shown. She took some comfort in the fact that Delia wasn’t entirely steady as she got up either. The girl reached out, and Alanna found herself taking the dainty hand in her own.
Somehow, it made her feel better.
Delia kissed Alanna twice before they reached her room. Once, at the top of the stairs where the girl paused to half turn behind her to see…well, maybe to see if Alanna was still there even though they were still holding hands, and once more as Delia paused in front of her room door. Her eyes somehow flicked up to Alanna’s, and she softly asked, “Do you still…”
Alanna said, “Yes.”
*~*~*~*~*~*
There were a lot of things that could be said by saying only a few words– there were a lot of things that could be said by saying a single.
There was even more to be said by saying nothing.
Alanna was currently saying nothing. She was, however, stroking Delia’s hair. Gently, so as to not wake the girl. It really was lovely hair, she had to admit, and Delia was rightfully vain of it. It was the kind of hair that was thick and glossy with a natural curl, with a colour that shifted slightly according to light and dress, with a tendency to cling to you.
She wrapped a lock of dark chestnut hair around her finger, and thought.
Delia was a puzzle, Alanna had decided. Well, she had decided that a long time ago, maybe their second meeting in Milliways, maybe their third. But, yes, she was definitely a puzzle and a riddle and possibly even an enigma.
‘Do you still…?’ was a question that should not be asked, but Alanna had answered anyway.
Do you still hate me?
Yes
Do you still have to kill me?
Yes
Do you still want me?
Yes.
Alanna groaned and beside her, Delia stirred and sank deeper into sleep. The girl was turned away from Alanna, hands curled under the pillow and her cheek, hair spread over her back as if to shield her.
It wouldn’t have worked, but the sentiment wasn’t lost.
Alanna did still hate her, she did still have to kill her, and she did still…
She answered ‘yes’ to the last question, so possibly something was wrong with the previous answers. Or maybe questions. No, the answers, or maybe…Well now, lass, Alanna told herself firmly, this line of thinking isn’t taking you anywhere.
Nowhere useful, at any rate.
Taking Delia up on her offer was a mistake, Alanna felt. She did still hate Delia, but she was honest enough to see that it wasn’t a simple emotion. You couldn’t talk civilly with people you hated; you couldn’t banter with them and enjoy it. You couldn’t see them cry and want to help, and that’s exactly what Alanna had felt. Protection, anger, and a desire to make things all better again so she could go right back to hating Delia without having to see her as human -
It was very hard to call the pretty girl who had kissed the scar between her breasts and then uttered that wicked little laugh at Alanna’s whimper anything but human.
Possibly all too human, with an all too human kiss.
They said a lot, Delia’s kisses. They said dark, seductive things like this night is for us alone. They said things like love me, know me, understand me, I know you will. They said things like please don’t leave me in the dark.
Dangerous kisses and Alanna’s friends had been drunk on them, so very different from the hesitant, giggling kisses of the other young ladies. But then her friends had turned away from Delia’s dark, dangerous kisses, for they were a truth that the young knights didn’t want to have to deal with: Delia’s truth.
Alanna glanced at Delia, and sighed. She was a cruel, selfish, lying little flirt, but she was also a bright, fragile girl who had never really grown up, who still believed that, somewhere, there was a happy-ever-after. Roger had seen this, used this, and though Delia was clever enough to realize that the smiling Duke was using her, she was too caught in the web of lies to break free.
The glance turned to a glare as Alanna sat up and rearranged the covers.
“Don’t you even think about making me feel sorry for you, lass,” she warned the sleeping girl even as she slid her arm around the slender body and rested her head on her back.
With Delia’s soft, subtle perfume around her, Alanna slowly fell (under her spell) asleep.
Fin.
lunamystic Christmas 2004TITLE: Enlightenment
FANDOM: Song of the Lioness/Milliways
PAIRING: Delia/Alanna
RATING: PG-13
WORDS: 3,543
BETA’D BY:
WRITTEN TO: Lost in Space, The Moth & High on Sunday 51 - Aimee Mann
DISCLAIMER: Alanna and Delia are the creations of Tamora Pierce, I’m just playing. This version of Alanna belongs to lunamystic, and I’m just paying tribute.
NOTES: This fic is based off this Milliways thread. Thus, all of Alanna’s speech and actions up until where she says ‘wait’ are not mine.
SUMMARY: In the orginal thread, Delia offered sex before having to go upstairs. But what if she didn’t? What if Alanna took her up on her offer?
EXTRACT: “No, it would not be a fate worse than death.” Both of Delia’s eyebrows raised this time, and Alanna smiled vindictively. “In fact, it would be rather enlightening, I'm sure...”
Enlight: 1. give information to 2. instruct, inform. 3. shed light on
-enlightenment (noun)
“I see you're back, Alanna...and wearing a very nice dress too.” Slowly turning her head towards the light, spiteful voice, Alanna smiled thinly.
“Good evening, Delia. I see you've re-emerged as perceptive as ever.” Her tone was pleasant, with not even a mocking undercurrent. Alanna was mildly pleased with herself for that.
“How are you?” Cold, hopefully, she added in her mind as she looked at Delia’s attire. Daring, as normal, and the fact that they seemed to have swapped places as far clothing was concerned was not lost on Alanna. She herself was wearing the violet dress that Meg had bought her; Delia was wearing a pair of tight blue pants and a black…a black…covering was probably the best term, on top. Whatever it was, it clung to her and left her arms and shoulders bare (knowing that it was actually called a halter-top is irrelevant to the proceedings).
Delia, unknowing of Alanna’s mental thought, or perhaps not, merely waved the question away.
“Hopefully back to some semblance of normal; thinking about eternity has a tendency to send me into hysterics. And yourself, my dear knight?”
“I'm doing very well, thank you.” Alanna tilted her head and wondered how long they could maintain a semblance of civility. “Oh? And what happened to make a lass like you worry her pretty little head about eternity?”
Not very long, apparently.
Delia, however, just grinned with delight dancing in her bright-green eyes.
“Oh, you know...seeing the lovely Alexander of Tirragen here again.” Here she mock-sighed, eyes mischievous. “You know, realising that your lover is going to go right back to sleeping with two men as well as yourself is just, oh I don't know, so depressing.”
Alanna's mouth gaped open. “Really, how do you four keep things straight? Do you schedule your assignations? Is there some sort of master calendar that I'm not aware of?” she said without thinking, and then looked distinctly grumpy as she realised what she had said.
“And why, pray tell, would you be aware of any schedule about our sleeping arrangements?” Delia asked sweetly.
Oh, the sweetness. It was so deceptive. Alanna really didn't like being made to look stupid, but she had to hand it to Delia - the girl had an uncanny knack for knocking her off balance. Alanna pondered quickly how to one-up her, and an amusing thought occurred. And why not? She was feeling rather daring this evening, after all.
“I fear you do not give me enough credit, lass.” With that, she leaned over and gave Delia a loud kiss on the cheek, followed by a wink.
In what was perhaps the most surprising moment in the whole conversation, Delia blushed. Only faintly, but her cheeks were noticeably pink.
“Oh, really, Alanna?” she asked brightly, looking as if she were about to clap her hands for joy. The blush was gone in Delia’s recovery, but not forgotten. “ I'm so glad about that, I really do hate when people are as close-minded as I think. Would you like to join in? After all, we managed to have Josiane quite comfortably; we would be able to fit you in no problem at all!”
Alanna, however, was still staring. Did Delia just blush? Smiling evilly, she leaned closer.
“You don't think Thom might have a problem with that?”
What happened next really did prove that she never learnt from experience. Delia leaned in, and Alanna was genuinely surprised when the girl kissed her softly.
“Knowing your brother, my dear knight...most likely not.” She said with a quick, impish smile. Alanna’s eyes narrowed, and she resisted the urge to wipe her mouth.
“That really is getting old, Delia. As fun as this charade has been, I'm sure you know my true feelings on the subject. My brother is... confused, and quite probably insane. It is his birthright, after all. I've agreed to stay out of his business unless he begins to show signs of harming himself or others. I shall also endeavour to stay out of yours.” Yes, that seemed the safest option. Thom’s business hurt her, but Delia’s made her feel so terribly confused. She pitied the girl, and she was still honour-bound to take her back to Corus for her execution.
“Old?” Delia raised an eyebrow. She smiled, and there was a cruel edge to the sweetness. “It was you who brought up your brother, Alanna, not I. And yes, my business is my business and yours is yours...but would it truly be a fate worse then death to sleep with me?”
Alanna sighed and leaned back in her chair, stretching her feet out in front of her. She took great pains to make this look careless, but wasn’t sure why.
“I confess, Delia, you confuse me.” Delia just kept on looking at her, expression bright and expectant. Rather like her expression as Raoul and Gary fought over her riding glove, actually. There was the definite sense that she was about to burst out laughing. It was that expression which made Alanna actually consider the offer.
“No, it would not be a fate worse than death.” Both of Delia’s eyebrows raised this time, and Alanna smiled vindictively. “In fact, it would be rather enlightening, I'm sure. After all, my dear girl, haven't we both been screwed by Roger?”
Delia, frowning slightly in thought, leaned back with her elbows resting on the bar and head tilted. She looked young and careless like that, with none of the silks or glittering smiles that made her the lady Alanna despised. This girl in front of her, with her otherworldly clothes and lack of a mask, was another entity all together.
“I guess we have, Alanna.” Delia’s light voice was thoughtful, almost calculating. “Would you like to?
Alanna’s eyebrow quirked up. “ I'm not sure why you're so keen on this idea.” She said dryly to hide the sudden confusion at Delia’s question. Offer. Whatever it was. Delia herself just smiled, and shrugged her thin shoulders.
“Something to do, I guess.” She admitted ruefully. “You already think me the whore, and at least sex with you would be refreshingly honest.” Her lashes veiled her eyes, and her smile turned impish. “After all, it's not a fate worse than death to sleep with an attractive woman, is it?”
Alanna just sighed. “Actually, shocking as it may seem, I do not think you're a whore.” As Delia looked politely sceptical, she was forced to continue. “I think you were a confused, lonely girl who basked in Roger's attention and considerable charm. It's not your fault he is who he is. I do not approve of your decisions, or the way you lead your life, but perhaps I haven't been completely fair with you in the past.”
Delia’s smile faded, and the lovely girl actually seemed off-balance. She looked away, her jaw working as if she had something bitter in her mouth. Perhaps it was her expression, or perhaps Alanna wanted things to go back to the bright banter before she hit too many nerves. Whatever it was that prompted her, she continued with,
“Of course, perhaps it was just spurred on by the many times you called me a whore.”
Delia’s lips twisted into something that wasn’t not quite a smile.
“And now,” she said softly, “I must decide which explanation I like more.” She bit her bottom lip, and her bright-green eyes flicked back to Alanna. The bitter half-smile was gone, and she looked oddly quiet.
“Of course, to be truthful, I called you a slut, not a whore. There's a difference.” Her voice was like her expression –quiet, uncertain. Alanna shook her head and when she spoke, her voice was just as quiet.
“Not to me,” she looked up and watched Delia with a quizzical expression on her face. “Why did you hate me so much? Truthfully.”
“Truthfully?” Delia asked, and then she began to laugh. Rich, genuine laughter that made Alanna nearly flinch from the pain it held. Nearly. “Oh, Alanna, why do you think?” Delia controlled her laughter with an effort; from where she sat, Alanna could see her long red nails digging into her pale palms. If Delia wasn’t careful, those nails were going to cut her hands.
“I disliked you while you were Jonathan's squire; I was telling the truth when I quite honestly thought you were a boy who preferred other boys.” Delia took a deep breath, and then just shook her head.
“I hated you the moment you that you exposed Roger for what he was. I hated you so much, because you killed him. I had risked everything of value to a lady for him, my reputation, my honour …had it all ruined, because he promised me the world.” She looked up, the expression in her lovely green eyes dark and angry. “To have you just come along, and drive that sword through his chest and destroy everything through some sense of right…” the twist of her lips was bitter, and could no longer be truthfully called a smile.
“Well, of course I hated you.” Delia said simply. “I had pushed Cythera away, and you had killed the only person I had left. The only person I still loved.”
Cythera? That thought was put aside for another day as Alanna was forced to understand Delia’s mind. Indeed, her statement shed a good deal of light on her behaviour. Taken together with Alanna’s own statement, and what was found was a lonely girl willing to go to extraordinary, possibly obsessive, lengths for the one man who had consistently given her affection.
“I don't like it, but I can see your thought process.” Then her eyes narrowed, and Alanna felt some stirrings of anger through the pity and understanding. Too much understanding too quickly, too much of a change of heart…She had the feeling she was being manipulated at some level she couldn’t fathom, and resented it. “Consider this, though... Roger robbed me of my only family. You were not alone in that pain, Delia.”
“No, no I was not. And now, you have Thom back, and I have Roger.” Delia smiled, a little smile that made her look very, very tired. Far too tired to be manipulating anyone, a small part of Alanna said. “And yet, somehow, I think you are happier in that than I.” She shook her head, and started to push herself off the bar. “Good night, Alanna.”
Quietly, Alanna said, “Wait.” Delia paused, raising her delicate brow slightly.
“I…never actually said ‘no’.” Alanna flushed under her bright gaze, but forced herself to meet her eyes.
“No…”Delia murmured, resting back on her elbows. The dark anger in her eyes was softening into puzzlement. And maybe something else. “No, you did not. However, neither did you say ‘yes’.” Her light voice made the statement a question.
“No, I didn’t.” Delia tilted her head slightly at Alanna’s words, crossing her legs. Alanna stared. Delia was wearing sandals; at least that’s what Alanna assumed the footwear was. Black sandals, with a thick heel and thin leather straps that crisscrossed her dainty, pale feet…
Her toenails were painted red.
“Are you going to?” Delia was asking, and Alanna tried to bring her mind back to the task at hand. Considering the actual task itself, it wasn’t much of a help.
“I…”Alanna shook her head irritably. “I can’t do this sober.” As the lovely looking girl in front of her blinked, Alanna swung her legs off the table and grabbed a bottle of wine from a passing waiter-rat. Delia watched, silently, as she took a long, clumsy drink. The liquid burned her throat and made her gasp. Well, that should teach me to steal, Alanna thought wryly through her coughing.
“Yes or no, my dear knight?”
“Yes.”
Delia regarded her for a long moment and got off her stool, walking around to Alanna’s table and sitting next to her with more grace then she had ever seen from the girl. Or perhaps, perhaps she was just more aware of it now, more aware of the way that Delia’s hair and hips swung when she walked, more aware of the tired smudges under the brightness in her eyes.
More aware of Delia.
The green-eyed girl turned to face Alanna, resting her arm on the back of the chair and making her feel nervous. She could smell Delia’s perfume now –soft and subtle- and it was making her blush and her nerves hum as if in battle.
In a very real sense of the word, she was.
“You would like to sleep with me?” Delia repeated, her eyes intent.
“Yes.”
“Kiss me then.”
Alanna blinked, “Wh-what?”
Delia sighed faintly, as if she was finding this so very tiresome. “Alanna,” she said at last, throaty voice firm, “Every time I kiss you, you look as if you want to scrub your mouth out with soap and water. If you can’t kiss me, you can’t sleep with me.”
Alanna’s eyes widened at the mild rebuke - she hadn’t thought she had been that obvious - but she was forced to conclude that Delia was right. “Do you want me to kiss you?”
This time Delia really did sigh, but she held her tongue and nodded. Alanna leaned closer and pressed her lips against hers. And that’s all it was, not a kiss so much as an awkward mashing of lips. Delia put up with it for perhaps half a moment before twisting her head away.
“Well, that I think proves that I make mistakes. Good night, Alanna.” She got to her feet, but before she could walk anywhere Alanna grabbed her arm.
“Wait.”
Delia turned and looked down, her delicate brow arched scornfully. Alanna flushed, but kept her hand and eyes in place. Delia’s skin was warm beneath her hand, warm and soft and silky smooth, and some of that appreciation must have reached her eyes for the delicate-looking lady nodded faintly and sat back down. Her expression was still guarded and poised, and that made Alanna hesitate.
She didn’t want to kiss the graceful, elegant creature in front of her, with her airs and graces and disdainful expression. That creature was the manipulative bitch who had seduced Alanna’s friends, slept with Jonathan, and bullied Thom to his death. No, she wanted to kiss the confused girl who Roger found and used, the fragile girl who had cried after being mind-raped, the lonely girl with the tired smile and the need to be loved, the girl Alanna had only found in Milliways.
The real Delia, not her oh-so-lovely mask.
Alanna leaned forward, and kissed her. Gently, hesitantly, until she felt Delia begin to respond and move closer. Her lips were warm and soft, and Alanna fancied that she would have been able to still taste the wine on her mouth. When they stopped to catch their breath, Alanna flicked her violet eyes up to look at Delia’s. Her lips were tingling, and at the soft, dreamy look in Delia’s brilliant green eyes, they felt as if they were burning.
“Delia…”
“Hush,” the girl said huskily, and put her slender arm around Alanna’s shoulders before leaning closer and kissing her. This time, Alanna kissed her back. Deeply, with her fingers running down Delia’s cheek and neck to brush her breast through the thin black material. She would have flushed at her daring, but she was too far gone in the kiss to care. Delia’s free hand came up to cover Alanna’s, and she gently guided it down her body, past her slender waist to the flare of her hips between the gap in her clothing.
Alanna could feel Delia’s hipbone under the soft skin, and immediately thought that the girl should eat more. Her second thought that a bar was really not the kind of place to be contemplating how exactly to -
She broke off, turning her head away as she tried to remember how to breathe.
“Lass, I really don’t think –“ Alanna turned to face Delia again, and her words faltered somewhere in her throat. “I really don’t think this is the right place for such carrying on,” she said at last, and was rewarded with a smile.
“Then let me take you to a place where it is.” Delia said, her light throaty voice finding chords in Alanna that she hadn’t thought she would have been able to find with a dagger. The red-haired knight stared, then nodded, moistening her lips as she stood and flushing at the picture she had just shown. She took some comfort in the fact that Delia wasn’t entirely steady as she got up either. The girl reached out, and Alanna found herself taking the dainty hand in her own.
Somehow, it made her feel better.
Delia kissed Alanna twice before they reached her room. Once, at the top of the stairs where the girl paused to half turn behind her to see…well, maybe to see if Alanna was still there even though they were still holding hands, and once more as Delia paused in front of her room door. Her eyes somehow flicked up to Alanna’s, and she softly asked, “Do you still…”
Alanna said, “Yes.”
There were a lot of things that could be said by saying only a few words– there were a lot of things that could be said by saying a single.
There was even more to be said by saying nothing.
Alanna was currently saying nothing. She was, however, stroking Delia’s hair. Gently, so as to not wake the girl. It really was lovely hair, she had to admit, and Delia was rightfully vain of it. It was the kind of hair that was thick and glossy with a natural curl, with a colour that shifted slightly according to light and dress, with a tendency to cling to you.
She wrapped a lock of dark chestnut hair around her finger, and thought.
Delia was a puzzle, Alanna had decided. Well, she had decided that a long time ago, maybe their second meeting in Milliways, maybe their third. But, yes, she was definitely a puzzle and a riddle and possibly even an enigma.
‘Do you still…?’ was a question that should not be asked, but Alanna had answered anyway.
Do you still hate me?
Yes
Do you still have to kill me?
Yes
Do you still want me?
Yes.
Alanna groaned and beside her, Delia stirred and sank deeper into sleep. The girl was turned away from Alanna, hands curled under the pillow and her cheek, hair spread over her back as if to shield her.
It wouldn’t have worked, but the sentiment wasn’t lost.
Alanna did still hate her, she did still have to kill her, and she did still…
She answered ‘yes’ to the last question, so possibly something was wrong with the previous answers. Or maybe questions. No, the answers, or maybe…Well now, lass, Alanna told herself firmly, this line of thinking isn’t taking you anywhere.
Nowhere useful, at any rate.
Taking Delia up on her offer was a mistake, Alanna felt. She did still hate Delia, but she was honest enough to see that it wasn’t a simple emotion. You couldn’t talk civilly with people you hated; you couldn’t banter with them and enjoy it. You couldn’t see them cry and want to help, and that’s exactly what Alanna had felt. Protection, anger, and a desire to make things all better again so she could go right back to hating Delia without having to see her as human -
It was very hard to call the pretty girl who had kissed the scar between her breasts and then uttered that wicked little laugh at Alanna’s whimper anything but human.
Possibly all too human, with an all too human kiss.
They said a lot, Delia’s kisses. They said dark, seductive things like this night is for us alone. They said things like love me, know me, understand me, I know you will. They said things like please don’t leave me in the dark.
Dangerous kisses and Alanna’s friends had been drunk on them, so very different from the hesitant, giggling kisses of the other young ladies. But then her friends had turned away from Delia’s dark, dangerous kisses, for they were a truth that the young knights didn’t want to have to deal with: Delia’s truth.
Alanna glanced at Delia, and sighed. She was a cruel, selfish, lying little flirt, but she was also a bright, fragile girl who had never really grown up, who still believed that, somewhere, there was a happy-ever-after. Roger had seen this, used this, and though Delia was clever enough to realize that the smiling Duke was using her, she was too caught in the web of lies to break free.
The glance turned to a glare as Alanna sat up and rearranged the covers.
“Don’t you even think about making me feel sorry for you, lass,” she warned the sleeping girl even as she slid her arm around the slender body and rested her head on her back.
With Delia’s soft, subtle perfume around her, Alanna slowly fell (under her spell) asleep.
Fin.