Insane Weekend, Part II

Oct. 22nd, 2017 10:41 pm
wanderlustlover: (Poetry: Enclose me - lady_akatari)
[personal profile] wanderlustlover
Picking up where I left off in Part I

III. Geek Girl Brunch, October 2017: Cosplay

There was the long drive to brunch from the lake, playing Jo's 'Done Well By Their Name' playlist, not in costume as originally planned. After wearing Scarlet, and The Blue Princess Dress, for all of yesterday my back was killing me at the end of last night and when I woke up this morning. Thus, I went with my back up brunch shirt, the pink VS shirt that has big white block letters readings "Brunch Before Boys" that I bought specifically for GGB.

I ended up being one of only two people in the whole brunch without a costume, and I felt about an inch tall the whole way through. It's over and done now, and know people will tell me to not worry about it, but I still feel a bit of a failure for not doing my makeup all perfect and just weathering through the drive and another 4ish hours in Scarlet for the sake of GGB.

The event itself was good. The trivia was amusing. The coloring sheets were used. The Grab Bags had candy and tiny shot glasses, reading "Pick Your Poison." I never got a look at the raffle table, but everyone seemed to really love everything they walked away from the raffle table with. (I'll see more of it when I'm curating the pictures for the write-up on the GGB international website.)

Even though we're having some no-shoe issues again, it was truly great to see so many new faces, too.
III-B. Geek Girl Brunch Officers Meeting

Meeting was short but sweet and had in the ice cream at Brindles, next door to the place we held brunch. (For the third time ever, in five billion years, or like ten, I showed up and they had my Honey Pine Nut ice cream. I got a small serving and a pint for my freezer for much, much later.)

So; meeting; short, sweet, to the point. We covered the big, surprise, amazing things we're doing for the December Magical 80's Movie's Ball and picked the themes for January through June (Star Wars, DC, Geek Girls of Color, Crafting, Comics/Graphic Novels, and Pride/LGBT Geek Girls).


IV. Grand Prix Watching Parties: Rostelecom

This is the new brainchild of the 2017-2018 Figure Skating Year, leading into the 2018 Winter Olympics. I will be holding Figure Skating Watching Parties while the Grand Prix, second half, and Olympics are going on. It's for friends, family, people they bring. Fun for watching, fun for food, drinks, working on self projects. Everything.

This event was actually kind of delightful. It wasn't without its bumps, but we managed to gather. Two friends, one sister, and myself. We watched all of the Men's Short Program, and a video of all the 1st-3rd winners in every single category (Men's, Women's, Pairs, Ice Dance).

Jess worked on her JJ/Otabek/Multi-Fandom Itabag while she was here. Kat worked on pieces of a Christmas gift. Mel hugged her pillow and had delightful commentary. We all drink wine, and I talked to Laura about skating and some other stuff throughout it. For something that requires 12 hours of watching to catch everything, it was only about 3 hours for most, and a little longer toward like 4 for my sister.

I'm so very invested in everything already and ready for more.

Next weekend is Skate Canada!




~*~

The evening post-people was quite and calm, spent revisiting, beautiful reads and talking to Laura. All in all it was actually a rather lovely, low key way to end a very busy back-to-back weekend. Now that I've finished three pieces of it, and three pieces I meant to get posted, I need give another once over to King Lear: Act II.

(Then, I have to go clear my bed of all the boxes and bags from packing yesterday morning in a two hour rush, and of the bags taken for traveling during the weekend. Which after all these are completed, I'll be able to locate my bed and go to heavenly lands of sleep.)
wanderlustlover: (Mask/Unmask - keebrujaak21)
[personal profile] wanderlustlover


Articles/Stories/Poetry/Parts
King Lear: Act I & II

Books
Stiefvater, Maggie - All the Crooked Saints
Stones, Greg - 99 Stormtroopers Join the Empire

Anime
The Ancient Magus Bride 1-2
Death Note 1-2

TV
Grand Prix #1: Rostelecom

Events
Half Price Books: Annual Clearance Sale
NISD Nerdvana Con
Annual Halloween Lake Party
Geek Girl Brunch, October: Cosplay

Insane Weekend, Part I

Oct. 22nd, 2017 08:28 am
wanderlustlover: (Quote: Rust and Stardust -zebra_patronus)
[personal profile] wanderlustlover
I. Nerdvana Con

This went about as well/not-well as I truly expected it to. The things that were badly planned for a first year, over all, were still badly planned for a first year (and one of them even went as unpatroned as I knew it would), but more importantly I made the decision to focus less on the con as a whole and more on the postage stamp area that is mine (/ours): which is only the Gaming Area/Gaming Committee.

Gaming went amazingly well. We had X-wing mini demo's. A game vendor who brought dice & games to sell, as well as was our awesome people who checked out both board games and card games for free play, too. We had a huge area for Intro to DND, with four different DM's running 1 hour campaigns. During the whole nine-to-two period of the 1st Nerdvana Con we never had less than 75 people in our area. It was a resounding success.

There was some incredibly inconvenient stresses with the person who headed up our committee for this last year, but it's about to be run, more specifically, by the four of us who've been around more during all the planning. During yesterday we filled two documents with how it's going to be run during the next year, too. All pro's, con's, ideas from us/the kids/the people volunteering time & product for us.

I went into the con yesterday burned out and not all that pumped (and considering the idea of not coming back at all to the big planning group or the small committee for next year), but I've come out off it proud of what we managed to accomplish for the fist year, and newly inspired for everything we can do in the next year to prep for the next Nerdvana Con.


II. Laura & Brian's Family's Halloween Lake Party

My whole party response has been underwhelming.

After two years of feeling guilty for never being able to make it to this rocking Annual Lake Halloween Party (which Amber & Laura go to, which is, I know now), run by Laura's husband's parents), I finally made it. It's out about an hour from town, and it was, undeniably, a gorgeous drive. Especially during the last 10-20 minutes of it, when everything is dips, and dales, and green rises, cutting into valleys and lake scenes.

Apparently, though, everything about party this year was bust. Everything that it wasn't, it was instead. The party usually has 60-75 people; it had about half that. The party is around a bonfire, because it's usually freezing; it was unexpectedly Texas hot even far away from the bonfire (and terribly warm near it). The party usually runs until 2-4 in the morning; we were leaving to shower and sleep around 11.

It being unprecedented, even the people who come every year were very surprised, and I've been told multiple times by multiple people 'it's never like this.'

My second borrowed DragonCon dress from Laura ended up being a bust, as the stays actually punch into the top of my thighs when I sit down. I crashed hard after the party. The nearby cabin we stayed in wasn't terrible, but the tiny place decided to not get cold and there was one glaring light through the front window, which mean after sleeping like brick, once I woke up at my normal 6, it was almost impossible to get back to sleep.

The party itself was a burst, but really the rest was just fine. It was lovely getting to hang out with Amber, Laura, and Brian, meeting Brian's parents and their friends across the way. The hours getting into perfect makeup and costumes for everyone was fun. The hot dog bar was a lovely, lovely thing, and second favorite to the venison sausage. The mule-rides were hilarious (especially when I accidentally stepped on the gas during one, and another where we were all trying to carry bottles and open drinks while going and down the hill in it).

During the same said main house alcohol raid which lead to the mule ride with the open drinks, I discovered a new alcohol I have a deep, new love for: Tennessee Fire. It's cinnamon whiskey, but it tastes exactly like a red hot. It's better than any Fireball or Goldschläger.

It was nice to have a catch-up session in general, since I don't see Amber usually during my weeks or months anymore the way it used to be daily working in the same grade-leve/department as her. It was nice to see Laura for something fun and frivolous, and not simply related to us talking about my arduous -- that are mostly rare, but highly emotional bouts on the -- path with everything revolving around my endocrinologist.

Pipe Creek is gorgeous in the blustery, just barely sprinkling morning (and now, raining!), with a riot of garden colors and a million birds singing. It really is a lovely place and I can see the appeal all around. It will be fun to come back in the spring and see the infamous St. Patrick's Day party.

We've plans off to breakfast next with all the crew out here, and then I'll be off into the rest of Insane Weekend's plans. Geek Girl Brunch will be in the middle of my day with October's Cosplay brunch, and then tonight my house is hosting a viewing party for Grand Prix Event #1: Rostelecom. More on these and other things once they've come to me.
wanderlustlover: (Religion: Souls and Opposites -- midnatt)
[personal profile] wanderlustlover
[ Day I | Day II | Day III | Day IV | Day V ]

DAY III - Your Favorite Quote

This is still absolutely perfect and correct as the last time I wrote it.

Do I contradict myself?
Very well, then I contradict myself.
I am large. I contain multitudes.

-- Walt Whitman; "Song of Myself"


Once upon a time I was a wee wanderlust thing, still just catapulted into the world of words and books with degrees attached to them, and the marvel that I could become accredited for talking about them, knowing about them and loving them. In this land, I was asked to read Walt Whitman, again, for the third time I think. I had spent all of high school reading it twice, while preoccupied with several other worlds dreading it. So I put it off, and I put it off, and I put it off.

Finally, like the day before I had to have read the whole book again, I picked it off the table, and stared at it like I was girding myself for war, before taking it outside to lay on my back lawn, in the grass while reading, as you guessed it, Leaves of Grass which is where you will find this poem. But something magical happened that day. I fell into Whitman, or he fell into me, or we fell into each other, looking across that vast wide water, like a puzzle piece slotting into place, like a drop of water returning to the ocean, like a snow flake descending slowly and melting all at once.

Suddenly, all of it made sense. Suddenly, I could not close my eyes and I could not read it fast enough. Suddenly, I was underlining quotes, and reading it the way you learn a lover, wanting madly to suddenly know everything, and wanting in every pause to go back and trace the wrist bones and eyelashes that you just found, that could not be as fragile and perfect and unreal as they seem. Suddenly, he was speaking to me, and about me, and the world made sense through him.

There were many things that happened from there (like the fact all my Kindles are named Leaves of Grass [Insert Number] based on nine successive times the novel was republished; I'm on IV), but this quote among several favorite jumped out and stuck forever.

The moment I read these words it rang like a clarion bell, the one I'm so attuned to listening to, in my soul.

The one that said, Look, look, come and see, stop worry if other people think everything you believe does not line up. The one that said, You are larger than one big, big, big truth. The one that said, You are big enough for a million million big, big, big truths, whole unto themselves, and all holy in the their own rights, and not needing to justify themselves to each other.

And somehow it felt like Walt Whitman, speaking about himself, had given me the right to exist. To be most microscopic, and unashamedly, unapologetically, cosmically multifaceted. That it was not a shameful thing to contradict yourself. Maybe it was just a normal thing. A thing that came with setting great things side by side, like breathing and blinking at the same time, like tea and toast. Different, but beautiful things all at once. And true, true even when it wasn't beautiful.

Because it simply was. Like rain, and love.

This is definitely on the list of things I would not mind having tattooed on my skin somewhere, and it will never stop being the top of my journal now that the introduction post has it there.

Subject Index )

(no subject)

Oct. 21st, 2017 08:55 am
skygiants: Jadzia Dax lounging expansively by a big space window (daxanova)
[personal profile] skygiants
After reading Ann Leckie's new book Provenance I went on Twitter and asked what you call a screwball plot if it isn't necessarily a comedy.

Like, Provenance, while frequently funny, is not a non-serious book -- it concerns itself with classism, wildly unhealthy family relationships, interstellar warmongering, fetishization of cultural artifacts, and inhumane conditions of incarceration, not to mention murder -- but the structure of the plot is very classic screwball. Misunderstandings! Mistaken identities! Brilliant[ly ill-advised] schemes colliding with each other and blowing up in everybody's face! The faint air of Yakety Sax playing frequently in the background!

Honestly it feels a lot like Ann Leckie channeling Lois McMaster Bujold, with less intense character dynamics but also fewer moments of side-eye.

Our Heroine Ingray Aughskold is the foster daughter of an elected official who has been locked in competition with her foster-brother since they were both small for the eventual goal of inheriting their mother's position. Ingray comes from a public orphanage, while her asshole abrother is the son of a wealthy family, which gives him an edge that Ingray has never quite been able to best.

CUE: Brilliant[ly ill-advised] scheme! Ingray decides to attempt to break a fellow political foster-kid, Pahlad Budrakim, out of Compassionate Removal (i.e. terrible jail) in order to learn the location of the highly important cultural artifacts which Pahlad has hypothetically stolen.

Complication: Pahlad is possibly not Pahlad, and is certainly not inclined to be cooperative.
Complication 2: The space captain who Ingray hired to get them back home is wanted for theft by an alien ambassador, who Does Not Understand Humans, and whom everyone is panicked about offending due to some Very Important Alien Treaties.
Complication 3: Meanwhile, what Ingray's mother would actually like her to be doing with her time is shepherding around some other ambassadors, human ones from a different planet, who want to do politically-motivated excavations in a local nature preserve
Complication 4: Also, someone is about to get murdered!
Complication 5: And the cop in the case has a crush on Ingray!
Complication 6: And MANY OF THE HIGHLY IMPORTANT CULTURAL ARTIFACTS HAVE DISPUTED PROVENANCE AND IT'S VERY DISTRESSING (for everyone but me, because the minute I heard that title I was like 'this had better be about cultural heritage' and LO AND BEHOLD)

((...though I did want to see a little more documented archival paperwork and process surrounding the question of the authenticity of the artifacts, but I mean, ignore me, it's good, it's fine.))

My favorite character was definitely possibly-Pahlad, with their bitter cynicism and constant challenges to everyone else to do better; wanting More Pahlad all the time was probably my biggest complaint about the book.

My other favorite character was the almost entirely useless Radch ambassador, who just did not want to be there that day. Everything about the treatment of the Radch in this book delights me. "So weird to hear this totally clueless woman speaking with the accent we're used to hearing from villains on the TV!" You definitely don't need to have read the Imperial Radch books to enjoy Provenance, but I suspect it does probably make the few Radch cameos five times funnier.

Prep Checklists for InsaneWeekend

Oct. 21st, 2017 06:41 am
wanderlustlover: (Grace - selluinlaer)
[personal profile] wanderlustlover
Things to do in the hour & half before I leave today and don't come back until tomorrow evening. I really should have realized these were all back-to-back, without me coming home at any point, sometime before it was five minutes-to-bedtime last night. It left me with anxiety and though I was able to fall asleep fast last night, I woke up 30 minutes before my normal alarm and could not sleep. Which, I supposed, as least gives me 2 hours to get all of the below finished.


I. Nerdvana Con (Saturday)
- Thursday: 1 page Cleric & Wizard Spells for Pregen Sheets
- Friday night: Setup
- Scarlett II Costuming & makeup
- Starbucks for life at 7am


II. Laura's Family Massive Halloween Lake Party (Saturday/Sunday)
- Prep Overnight Bag (Include Meds, Pillow, Laptop/Cords)
- Prep 2nd costume for bonfire-usage

III: Geek Girl Brunch, October 2018: Cosplay (Sunday)
- Reuse Scarlett II Costuming & makeup
- Prep Coloring Sheets
- Pack in Colors & Raffle Tickets

- Consider Easy Pick up Grab Bag offerings for Sunday Morning


IV. Rostelecom Party Watch (Sunday)
- Trash Out/Dishes Done
- Clean LivingRoom/Dinning Room/Bathroom
- Check Ice Network for Current(/Live Friday) Offerings

I want to write about tomorrow...

Oct. 20th, 2017 09:52 pm
wanderlustlover: (School: Atrocities - enriana)
[personal profile] wanderlustlover
...and every compacted and impacted frustration I have with tomorrow, and all the frustrations that have led up to me wishing time would drag its feet and not bring me swiftly on the heels of my dreams to morning. All the words that have never been said, and never been needed, that have just swirled and swirling growing ever bigger behind my breast bone.

But. I am really tired. With compounds the frustration. As does needing enough sleep to get up early and do all of Miss Scarlett's costume and make perfectly, to then be basically on point, working for most of 12 hours tomorrow.

It'll keep. It's been keeping all of these months already.





And, minor plus, once it's kept still one day more, it will finally (finally) be done.





P.S. That great moment seconds later when you realize you'd forgotten you were supposed to pack in the morning an overnight bag, and a second costume, for your first Halloween Party of the season, plus the morning-after outfit which needs to by cosplay related for GGB Brunch, which is immediately followed by Rostelcom Party in your own house, that you'll only be driving between each to the next without coming home again.

Augh. More reason I need to go to sleep to get up so early and do all the things at dawn.
wanderlustlover: (Poetry (Dance): Whitman - bookelfe)
[personal profile] wanderlustlover
[ Day I | Day II | Day III | Day IV | Day V ]

Day III - 20 Facts About Me

1. This year -- for the first time since I was 12 and received a horrible bowl cut that made me threaten to shave my head if anyone ever came near it again -- I got my hair cut. I'd done regular trims, but this was my first serious, and along with it I acquired a hair girl named Angela, whom I see about every 2-3 months.

2. I have two piercings on each of the lower lobes of my ears, the lower left of which is ripped longer than normal from a childhood bike accident. I entertain an exorbitent amount of jewelry and a lot of dangling earrings. In the times when I'm keeping my dresser neater, I use them all the time.

3. I have three tattoos. One on the outside of my right bicep: the symbol "愛" in Japanese Katakana, spoken as "Aishiteiru," or "Ai", meaning "to love," picked to match my name (Amanda/Of Love/Beloved). Two on the insides of my ankles: the right a treble clef with a heart in the middle and the left a quill pen amid writing.

4. My life used to be overflowing with religious/spiritual activity, and it’s gotten very stagnant, with nothing filling some egregious gaps that formed due to extenuatingly bad circumstances. I am in a year-long dedication to Throat Chakra (in eight years dedicated to the chakra’s, one per year). I keep the holidays, and have holiday altars, but I thirst for more lately.

5. At any given time I’m in the middle of 4-5 books (and always set myself the challenge of reading 100 books a year). I have a 40 minute drive to and from work usually running an audio book. I have the books I’m currently teaching in my AP III & IV English classes. I have a long, slow bed-table book. I have constantly filling advance readers from Netgalley & Library Thing, and newly backed publications from Kickstarter.

6. My vocabulary is deeply extensive already, to the point I throw around big words without any concerns already (and I do not audit for any audience of personage unless they are under ten), so understand the gravity of these words to come: I feel I'm re-learning vocabulary I have not used in nearly a decade in teaching AP. (Aside: I love it so much.)

7. I have lost a little sister, a parent, a grand parent, and a lover. Within these have fallen a natural passing, a ravaging disease, a willful self-suicide past rehabiliation, and manslaughter. I have lost two half decade plus best friends. I'm pragmatic prepared and realistic about my own survival in the face of the worst of grief and loss.

8. I believe in unconditional love and I have a terminal case of hope. Not optimism, but hope. I am a highly optimistic realist, but I am absolutely incapable of not hoping. Believing their is always a silver lining, a meaning to be found, lessons to be learned, a future path being warmed and prepared.

9. I love technology and I use a lot of it. Daily, I wear a Fitbit One, an Apple Watch 2, and an 6s IPhone. In my purse, I carry a Kindle PaperWhite. At home, I have a Mac Laptop, iPad 2, an AppleTv 2, Firestick, Instant Pot, and Vitamix. At work, Dell Computer, Apple Ipad, Elmo, Projector, and Laptop Cart. (I already have plans for my upgrades for iPhone X, Kindle Oasis, and AppleTv 4.) On all of these I have favorite amazing tech programs, as well, which I occasionally do favorite tech rec's.

10. I love lists and keep them everywhere, especially on notepads on my computer, on post-its notes of endless rainbow colors and shapes at my desk, and in the reminder app & notepad app of my iPhone. Without them I would forget so many things, including plans and promises, it's not even quantifiable.

11. I can't draw to save my life. Or even be granted a million dollars. It's hilarious. And sad. I am the person who can mess up stick figures. But I've mostly come to terms with it now. I once drew the picture replica of my hand, with a ring, in high school, but it was on the back of a state test booklet and I wasn't even allowed to keep it.

12. I love snow with the kind of unwavering love the moves mountains and meet money. I want to live somewhere it is negative 15 in the winter, and around 113 in the summer. So much that I experience seasonal crankiness/depressions in places where this isn't happening (such as when it's too warm to even be winter in Texas, or when it was too mild to truly ever be warm enough in the summer in Korea). I know it's not a very realistic to fill want, but it doesn't change it happening, or me loving those seasons as such.

13. I will off the top of my head when asked identify as Bisexual and Polyamorous, but it's actually a lot closer to say I'm Demi-Sexual/Pan-Sexual/Pan-Romantic than actually Bisexual. It's, also, a lot more unlikely I'll ever point out that I don't date, and won't re-date if there isn't a spark. I'm just unable to figure out dating if I'm not interested, and 90% of the time I'm not interested.

14. The flip side of the 10% though is that every single relationship in my life has been two years or longer (with only a one-girl friend caveat being below that). All of the people I've end up with pinged the interest scale so hard and so seriously that I ended up with them for a very long time. And I'm really actually okay with this system. I'd rather be with the serious-to-me people, than go through many who weren't.

15. It's not impossible for me to cry, but it is still really hard and extremely, snow in lower Texas, rare for it to happen anywhere near other people. I'm past the point where it's been years since I've cried finally, but it's still a rather low yearly number, because there are few things feel as useless, pointless, and personally messy as crying to me still. I can, when it happens, let it happen, but it still won't happen for very long. A few minutes. My logic remains strongly entrenched in the crying not actually accomplishing anything to solve the actual problem.

16. I have weak nails. I love to grow them, and tap them on things, but they will always bend, tear and break long before I have any chance to grow them extraordinarily long. I really love them painted, like really really love it, but I get really annoyed at how fast normal & gel peels off, as well as anything that ruins my actual nail by requiring someone to shave it down first.

17. My favorite forms of exercise are heavy weight lifting and swimming. I've been weight lifting for over two years now, originally with a trainer, now alone, and totally on pace with a 5x5 app. I've been swimming in a serious fashion since somewhere in the middle of this past spring, wherein I acquired all professional gear and started follow professional swims through Swim Pro, too.

18. I love music with the fire of a million suns. I think in lyrics a lot of times. I have several playlists dedicated to characters in the 300-600+ songs per playlist range (and anywhere between 1-7 playlists for any given character, with that many songs on them). I do the same with my own personal playlists and listening. I play music in my classroom all the time and my kids love that I cover the widest of unending varieties.

19. My current (and mostly long standing) vices of choice are everything/anything tea, dark chocolate (especially the Godiva Drinking Dark Chocolate at Christmas), Victoria Secret (...well, everything really; bras, underwear, sports wear, bath stuff, perfume, sleep wear), Bath & Body Works (shower gels for myself and sale lotions for my kids in the classroom), and most of all right now, any and all adorable Katsuki Yuri merchandise from Yuri!!! On Ice.

20. I have a life long thing for red-headed telepaths, apparently.

I fell in love with Ember (the not-yet-then Blood of Eleven Chiefs) at the age of about five. I fell in love with Jean Grey (of the cartoon tv shows and then the comics, later) at the tender age of nine. I fell in love with Lyta Alexander, somewhere right at the end of my teensish period, beginning of my live journal, around 17/18. I fell in love with Edward Cullen (after infecting myself with the whole 4-book series in less than 36 hours the weekend the fourth book came out, which was the week right after I finished writing my Master thesis) at 26.

Subject Index )
wanderlustlover: (Scene Maker - misty_creates)
[personal profile] wanderlustlover
Lay beside me, under wicked sky
Through black of day, dark of night, we share this paralyze
The door cracks open but there's no sun shining through
Black heart scarring darker still, but there's no sun shining through
No, there's no sun shining through

OpenID and Livejournal

Oct. 20th, 2017 05:33 pm
[personal profile] fifty_fifty posting in [community profile] getting_started
Hi,

I have been using OpenID in order to comment on LJ communities as I don't want to have an LJ account for obvious reasons.

I used to be able to log in just fine and post comments and create posts etc. But I recently got a new computer and went to log in and comment and it told me I needed to validate my email address. So I clicked through to a link and then clicked the link that was in the email that LiveJournal sent to my email address.

When I click this link in the validation email, it takes me to a page titled:

"Please, verify that you are human"
When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.

Then there's a continue button to click on. I click the page and it looks like it's doing something, but it takes me back to the same page again and I remain unverified and now unable to comment or post on any communities.

Any ideas as to how I can get LJ to actually verify the email address for my OpenID account? Thanks!
wanderlustlover: (Inconvenient Truths - imaginaryalice34)
[personal profile] wanderlustlover
I think about starting this up, taking this up, having taken it up again, a lot the last few days. It's the go-to topic in my head that is not King Lear Act I, AP Multiple Choice Strategies, or Tropes & Schemes Poetry. I've turned over and over in my head this idea I've been trying to put into words, about the glaring hole of silence in my world, in my heart, in my head.

I think about talking about feeling relieved every time I've hit send, like this iota footprint of space has cleared out from my clogged to choking mind, never quite sure how to put it into words. My last post was the beginning of my 2017 version for 31 Days of Blogging (which I've actually been working on since this morning/last night, making sure all the links were updated right, and picking pictures during work today on the side), and I thought I'd glance at my number II from 2013.

Starting out, my options, were amusing, but then I hit twelve and felt my heart stutter.
12. I write a lot. A lot. And it's true that maybe there is only one person who sees it that on a daily basis, whether that's in a game or it's in iMessage. But it's there, and I really only massively worry about how my internal barometer is doing when I stop being able to see where the massive daily/weekly outpouring of my words is.
I used to talk about this a lot. The idea words (words, words) defined where my internal barometer truly was, and you could tell something was wrong if I was quiet and not writing. It wasn't ever not true. A number of words happening in my week. Anywhere. Everywhere. I'm not writing a lot anywhere. Discourse is at a minimum. There are band-aids, but not tributaries.

The idea this silence shapes the edges of my emptiness feels suddenly deafening tonight, in these words from a me who was only saying them four years ago, four very different years ago, especially when I think about the fact 90% of the noise in my weeks, currently, is children, who need me as a teacher and don't know me at all as a singular person...

I'm not entirely willing, or wanting, to stare at the whole of this dark shape in the eyes yet. But at least I can recognize its name in the mouth of my younger self, when I feel where the sore beat of my heart thumps furiously for a moment in the clear connection to what was once far more of itself.
wanderlustlover: (Poetry: I Contain Multitudes - Ruuger)
[personal profile] wanderlustlover
Day I - Introduction and recent photo

Hi, I'm Amanda, called Amanda, who is Amare, and is recognized sort of twitter/Tumblr/fanfic/etc internet over as Wanderlustlover. I'm really good at being willing to answer any question someone poses me about myself, or take part in any discussion volleyed over in my direction, but my introduction never seems to run short, because I never seem to consider the world in concision.

My first introduction people find is the one you'll find on my journal profile;

I am ink stains and music notes; reader, writer, singer, and muse. Loves the smell of old books; entertain that which aspires to a library. Cooks a soulful yuletide bread, a mean lobster and amazing ramen mix. I am worn pages and spinning atoms; philosopher, student, and rule breaker. I adore teachers, books, classes, and homework. This is my bliss. Respect it. Challenge it. Please.

I am snowdrops in spring; horseback riding, cheerleader, girl scout turned comic manager and college salesman, seventeen-year soprano turned writer and teacher. Champions those who would challenge fear to seek their hearts and dreams content, ever-changing daily. Thinks smoking should be banned, parents taught how to raise children, and children left alone to dream.

I am silent wish, whispered prayer; dragon-protected, water-touched, moon-child, unconditional love: Amare. Four things truest- dragons, blue, three and love. I am dried leaves and exotic scents; eclectic herbologist and oiliest, sometimes Diana dedicated, Pagan. Thinks God's a man, think God's a woman; think it's silly we're trying to assign trivial things like names and genders to the great creative force.

I am Taurus with Pisces rising and five houses in Sagittarius. I am spontaneous movement and grounded stability. I am the arrow that is going. My mind is always seeking, ten thousand things in ten thousand directions. My feet, filled wanderlust, traversing new places constantly. Dreams endless, each old invoking a new star to populate my sky.

I am hawthorn tree and staunch boar; stubborn, at times unyielding. Works self into the ground at regular intervals. Willing to give everything for others when needed and not needed. Place those around me above my self. I am INFP and one; sensitive dreamer, loyal and easily wounded. Sanity is continually dependent on my car, my computer and the bed of blue.

I am sleepless nights and lines of code; geek, gamer, web creator and fangirl. X-men spectator; fan by fanatic, all around comic enthusiast. Watcher of almost all sci-fi space shows; third generation Trekkie; shameless gamer. Lover of all stories of love. I am oddity and intensity; have worked with children, elderly, handicapped, retail, museums, and comic fanboys.

I am husky fragrance and flowing form; female of the species, mostly free-spirit tomboy to slowly charming woman. Still prefers bare feet to sandals, sandals to heels, but thongs to underwear and bath bombs to soap bars. Have outgrown tank tops and discovered scarves, elegant dresses, and girl-cut shirts. Secretly entranced with becoming a girl.

I am fire's ember and phoenix's flare; posses long fuse, explosive temper and hidden scars. Still learning how to cry. Starts more things than are finished. Lives in a constant state of inspiration, gratitude, and hunger. I am a water creature; a palette of deep browns, pale pinks, and deep blues. Needs forests and oceans, needs cities and cars.

I am ever woods and crumpled papers; faithful, honest, nervous and judgmental extroverted introvert. I am understanding and hypocritical. Loving and hoping beyond reason. Forgive everything, forget nothing. Think too much about my body; yet content with my weight. Believe that all forms of falling in love and making mistakes should be embraced.


My second one, aka The Massive and Informative One, you'll find as the top first entry of both my live journal (here) and my dream width (here), which is from many years, but was mostly recently updated today/yesterday.

It comes with when, where whats of I was born, where I'm living now and with who, and then a plethora of tiny overviews of important topics: Parents & Family, Spirituality & Religion, Education, Health & Body, Sexuality & Politics, Strong Passions, Fandoms & Fannish, Places to Find Me, and Filters You Can Opt In To and Out Of.

Another awesome introduction is My Mini-Gaming Intro Link. It was made in late 2015, during my foray into some new games while partaking of fandom/gaming community involvement on Plurk (but is updated often enough).

Some recent & relevant pictures  )



Subject Index )

Text size in comment field

Oct. 19th, 2017 02:42 pm
sasha_feather: Retro-style poster of skier on pluto.   (Default)
[personal profile] sasha_feather posting in [site community profile] dw_accessibility
I've noticed that while I have text size scaled up (zoomed in) for easy reading and typing, the "comment" field still gives me very small text. The "subject" field is also in small text. The main text entry field is larger, though, confusingly.

Is there any way to change this?

Thanks!

On this the 18th of October

Oct. 18th, 2017 08:25 pm
wanderlustlover: (Friends: Mail Call - enriana)
[personal profile] wanderlustlover
Dear Kimi,

I have been composing this letter in my head all day.

It's been several years since my last one of these, and I will make you no more excuse than the single I allow the universe for taking you in the first place -- time moves on. This remains unerringly true, does it not? Somehow past my teen age years, somehow past four years ago when I hit as many years alive after your passing as in a life with you, somehow to one year before it will be two decades since you passed.

I have pictures of you, on my living room wall, on my bookshelf in my classrooms. I cannot imagine you as a fixed point, an end dot, an end stop. I can't imagine you frozen time, waiting on a sister who cannot be. I can't imagine you still only thirteen, with babies and a flare for that pink Mexican dress. I hope that the color of your eyes in mind remains as vibrant in you as it will always in my memory, and that I can be allowed to wish and dream and imagine it forever in motion.

I am not that girl in her first high school years, who had never touched another country, never been brought to such traumatic lows and such overawing heights. I hope that it can only be as much with you. Perhaps, you have made the universe without a skin your playground. Perhaps, you race the light across the galaxy for fun, and the tales of your daring adventures are still returning to the earth at the snails pace of liminal light, arduous and tireless then the void.

Perhaps, you blow the stop lights into being for the small children who wish and stare hard enough from the front seats. Or maybe you have gone to where the bees when, to join the jam-bee-rie. Silly, right? Foolish? But you smiled, didn't you. I wish you, what I have always wished you, with all of my heart, and all of love (and even, yes, all of my absence-laden sorrow):

An endless existence of magic,
wherein there is only joy, and only wonder,
where pain can never touch you, and the only things for you
are made of beauty, and miracles, and laughter, and light, and love.



From the girl who will carry your heart in her heart forever,
Amanda

(no subject)

Oct. 18th, 2017 07:40 pm
skygiants: (wife of bath)
[personal profile] skygiants
I didn't deliberately read up on seventeenth-century English history history in preparation for A Skinful of Shadows; it was just a fortunate coincidence that I'd just finished Aphra Behn: A Secret Life right beforehand (thanks to [personal profile] saramily, who came into possession of the book and shoved it into my hands.)

The thing about the English Civil War and everything that surrounds it is that it's remarkably difficult to pick a team, from the modern perspective. On the one side, you've got Puritans and repressive morality and NO PLAYS OR GOOD TIMES FOR ANYONE, but also democracy and egalitarianism and a rejection of the divine right of kings and the aristocracy! On the other side, you've got GLORY IN THE DIVINELY ORDAINED KING AND THE PERFECTION OF THE ESTABLISHED SOCIAL ORDER, but also people can have a good time every once in a while and make sex jokes if they feel like it.

Anyway, one fact that seems pretty certain about Aphra Behn is that she grew up during the Interregnum and wrote during the Restoration, and was very much on Team Divine Kings Are Great. Would Puritans let a woman write saucy plays for the stage? NO SIRREE, NOT AT ALL, three cheers for the monarchy and the dissolute aristocracy!

There aren't all that many facts that are certain about Aphra Behn, especially her early years -- the first several chapters of this book involve a lot of posed hypotheticals about who she might have been, how she might have got her start, and who might have recruited her into the spying business. It does seem fairly certain she was a spy: code name Astrea, Agent 160. (Me, to [personal profile] aamcnamara, after seeing Or last month: "I don't know that I buy all that Agent 160 business, there's no way that was something they did in the 1660s!" I apologize for doubting you, Liz Duffy Adams.)

Admittedly she was the kind of spy who spent most of her spy mission stuck in a hotel in Antwerp writing irritated letters back to King Charles' intelligence bureaucracy, explaining that she would happily continue with her spying mission and do all the things they wished her to do if only they would send her enough money to PAY HER DANG HOTEL BILL. (They did not.)

Besides her unpaid expense reports, most of what is known about Aphra Behn comes from her context and her publications, and the things she wrote in them -- only some of which can absolutely definitively be traced to her at all; several of her short stories and novellas are disputed, including one of the ones I found most interesting, "Love-Letters Between A Nobleman And His Sister." This early three-volume novel is extremely thinly-veiled RPF about a wildly trashy historical trial involving King Charles' illegitimate son, his best friend, the best friend's wife, and the best friend's sister-in-law. All of these people then went on to be involved in a major rebellion, which the second and third volume of "Love-Letters" cheerfully fictionalizes basically as it was happening, in the real world.

One of the first English novels ever written by a woman [if it was indeed written by Aphra Behn], and arguably the first novel written EVER, and it's basically one of Chuck Tingle's political satires. This is kind of amazing to me.

OK, but back to things we think we're fairly sure we do know about Aphra Behn! She wrote a lot about herself talking, and about men judging her for how much she talked; she wrote a lot of things that were extremely homoerotic; she also wrote a lot about impotence; she was often short on money; she cheerfully stole other people's plots, then got mad when people accused her of stealing other people's plots; she rarely wrote anything that was traditionally romantic, and most of her work seems to have an extremely wicked bite to it. She did not read Latin, which did not stop her from contributing to volumes of translations of things from Latin. She was almost certainly not a member of the nobility, but she believed in divine right, and divine order, and divine King Charles, even though it seems likely from her writing that she did not believe personally in religion, or God, and the King probably never did pay her bills. An extremely interesting and contradictory person, living in an interesting and contradictory time.

And now I think I need to go find a good biography of Nell Gwyn - she's barely relevant to this biography (Aphra Behn dedicated a play to her, but there's no other information available about their relationship) and yet Janet Todd cannot resist throwing in a couple of her favorite historical Nell Gwyn one-liners and they're all SO GOOD.

It'll be twenty years next year.

Oct. 17th, 2017 07:23 pm
wanderlustlover: (Days We Won't Get Back - quebelly)
[personal profile] wanderlustlover
Sometimes it's the oddest stray piece of conversation that tucks into us, unwitting, unwarned, like a hook catching in the mouth of a fish, there in the middle of the stream, there just getting through dinner and another bite of chicken with cranberries and apple pieces.

It''s been nineteen year now.

As I said, at the end of my last piece, there was dinner with my mother, at the Cracker Barrel, where they sadly haven't started truly serving fall flavors yet. There will be more in November, but for now it there's just the add for Pumpkin Pancakes and the graciousness of my server who brought me hot cider. (In leiu of hot Earl Grey or Darjeeling that might keep me up all night.)

Expounding, or evading. (I feel like a fountain burst, words pushing everyday outward.
Everything I do involves words. How have I missed words so much at the very same time?)

It'll be twenty years next year.

I don't remember quite where it started. A conversation about how long we'd been having dinners/meals together, and whether it had or hadn't been a decade. Since it's either a decade, or one year short of a decade, since I got my masters. (What does it even say that it took me that long in life to get around to a job that required it? What does it say that I never even noticed until now?)

My mother's rebuttal, was with the second of those quote. For what? My sister's passing.




It's not surprising it's on her mind. It's tomorrow. Tomorrow it's nineteen years.
Tomorrow another day passes and she's still gone; the world still somehow turning.
wanderlustlover: (Confessions - crystalkirk)
[personal profile] wanderlustlover
I'm only here, and home, a few minutes between my long drive from work to home, and turning around to go out to my parent's house for my weekly Tuesday Night Dinner with Mom. I think a lot of about this. Writing. My journal. The space it used to be. Both how silent and empty it was the very beginning (in 2001, before I graduated), to the middle when it was the hot bed of the internet (both live journal, and dream width), to now with it's quiter, far more gamers heavy, placement.

I loved my journal from the beginning. It was my sacred place. My personal space. Even as it intersected with public space, it was not defined by it (save for that single, last, box-requiring, relationship). While I embrace the concept of the placebo effect as part plausibility,

I, also, feel like I have more space in my brain the last day or two, just jotting things down.

I miss this. All of it. My space, my place, my records, my larks.
The world that used to be all mine, but with open windows.

~*~

My children wrote goals for themselves last Monday (the one before this past one). They had to set three goals, and in the future beginning of each six weeks they will look at the goals they set and reflect on whether they met them. I set myself one goal and one sub-goal in relations to it.
Goal: Miss Tillman will go home at 4:30 on the days she does not have meetings and/or private tutoring scheduled, so that Amanda can go back to existing between more than 8pm and 6am, during which most time is spent sleeping.

Sub-Goal: Use extra hours recovered from not leaving at 5:30-6 every single night (which I did, basically, the whole first six weeks) to get back to the gym for weightlifting/swimming and to spend more time relaxing at home/anywhere that is not my desk chair.

Sub-Goal, Part 2: There will be no grading on Friday Nights or during Saturday's. Miss Tillman is banned from existing on these and may return, briefly on Sundays. Real life deserves it's forum and places just as much as being good at, and/or passionate about, the job you deeply love.
Today is the first time I've managed to do part one, as every afternoon last week had a meeting of some sort. No gym tonight, due to Mother's dinner, but I am readying my bag for standby in my car and continuing in this vein to getting more and more space to myself, my life, back to my normal routines. The healthy, happier, and more balanced I am, the better for my kids.

~*~

I've always been the girl who got more packages than anyone else in this neighborhood. That's a truth going on about five years now. But I have to wonder what story my mail man tells himself, or makes up, about the fact that 90% of my package/parcel flood of smaller packages these days come directly from Japan.

Morning made

Oct. 17th, 2017 06:44 am
wanderlustlover: (Squee!!! - aisling12)
[personal profile] wanderlustlover
I'm still behind and need to pick something to do with my Introduction to Lear today, but my morning is made by the announcement of Yuletide Book Swap, Candy Swap & Drink Swap opening sign-ups last night. These swaps have become part and parcel with my Yuletide prep and enjoyment now and I'm excited to see everything Yuletide slotting into place for another amazing holiday season.

Yule Links & Calendars

Oct. 17th, 2017 06:41 am
wanderlustlover: (Holiday: Yule - Faroh's blank)
[personal profile] wanderlustlover
Christmas Cards
Christmas Card Post One [Forthcoming]
Christmas Card Post Two [Forthcoming]
Christmas Card Post Three [Forthcoming]
Christmas Cards mailed, Dec 5th [forthcoming]


Fandom Stocking
Sign-ups, Nov ?? [ Comm here]
Stocking Link
Fill Some Stockings [forthcoming; post-Yuletide]


Holiday Wishlist
Holiday-Wishes, Nov ? [Comm Here]
Wish List, Nov 30 [Comm here, Entry Here]
Fill 3 wishes on Holiday Wishes [Forthcoming]
Fill 3 wishes on Wish List [Forthcoming]



'While we tell of Yuletide Treasure Fic
Sign-ups, Open - Oct 1
Sign-up, Completed - Oct 7
Assignment Received - Oct 10

Yuletide Letter [Here]
Canon Rewatching [Forthcoming]

Yuletide's Past Meme, December 15th [Forthcoming]

Master Index Post [here]
Memo Notes: Misses Claus, Chromatic Creating, Crueltide, Yuletide Drabble Madness, Wrapping Paper, Fem


'While we tell of Yuletide Treasure Swap
Sign-Up's, Oct 17 - Completed
Swap Ship Deadline, Nov 13th - [Forthcoming]
Mine: Sent/Received
Book Swap - [Forthcoming]
Candy Swap - [Forthcoming]
Drink Swap - [Forthcoming]

Theirs: Sent/Received
Book Swap - [Forthcoming]
Candy Swap - [Forthcoming]
Drink Swap - [Forthcoming]






Oct-Dec To Do's, in Order/Due Dates

[Forthcoming]

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